


What a Year It's Been

by shouldabeenhim



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Cheating, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 08:43:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11055414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouldabeenhim/pseuds/shouldabeenhim
Summary: I’m so so so sorry, but it’s not like that matters now; really nothing does.





	What a Year It's Been

**Author's Note:**

> i had a bad day and this was the result
> 
> i'm sorry

_Josh,_

 

_I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to end up this way, but it’s not like any of us can choose which way we go in life.  You’re supposed to thrive--heck, you’re doing it already.  But me, I was destined to fall below everyone else.  I wasn’t meant to live further than this._

 

 _When you found me exactly like this a year ago, I didn’t think I would make it.  Now, a year later, I’m in the same position, except this time I_ know _I’m not going to make it.  It’s almost the same situation; same pills, same room, but this time, you’re not going to come rescue me.  You couldn’t have done anything--this isn’t your fault._

 

_It's mine._

 

_I’m so so so sorry, but it’s not like that matters now; really nothing does._

 

_I’ve been clean for a year now, all because of you.  That night after you found me with Spencer I broke that streak.  It had been exactly a year.  It was inevitable; I should have known, you should have known._

 

_I swallowed a couple of the pills now, but I don’t feel any different, so I’m going to keep writing this._

 

_I don’t expect you to find this letter.  I don’t expect you to care.  I don’t even expect you to know about this, unless it makes the news.  Why would you ever come back here?  You’re probably already all moved out.  I didn’t expect you to stay, anyways._

 

_But looking back on it, I wouldn’t change this past year for anything.  I was happy.  I hope you were happy, too.  I hope you’ll be happy in the coming years, but how can I be sure after what I did to you?_

 

_I have to admit something, but it’s not like you’ll believe me: I didn’t enjoy what I did with Spencer, and I don’t know why I did it.  Maybe you were going to slow for my liking; I really have no idea.  I never want you to have that look that you had on your face when you found us ever again.  The hurt, the betrayal was too much for me.  That’s why I ran out._

 

_I never intended for you to find out, but then again, no one really does._

 

_I’m so, so selfish.  I never thought of you for a second.  It was always just you looking out for me.  Making sure I was never out of your sight, never did anything stupid.  Heck, I’m even just writing this letter more so for me than you, although I’m still not sure why._

 

_I took a few more pills; my limbs are a bit shaky now._

 

_I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t want you to.  I don’t deserve it._

 

_But please, please, don’t forget me._

 

_Remember me._

 

_My vision’s getting blurry now.  I should stop writing now, I don’t want to do anything else I regret._

 

_Wow, Josh, what a year it’s been._

 

_Goodbye._

 


End file.
